


LA LA LA (NOT) LISTENING

by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden)



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: 5 + 1 Things, Apologies, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Fluff and Angst, Geraskier fluff and angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, coma speech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:42:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22821973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/pseuds/ClaraCivry
Summary: Jaskier is very hurt, and he knows that if he lets Geralt apologise he will be lost.He can't let him in his heart, let that witcher hurt him again.Maybe he won't see him again.Destiny has other plans.Or five times Geralt tries to apologise but Jaskier is too hurt to listen and one... where he does.Geraskier feelings, regret, some hurt boys and destiny helping them.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 12
Kudos: 398
Collections: Interesting Character and/or Interesting Relationship Development





	LA LA LA (NOT) LISTENING

Heartbreak.

Sure, it made for good songs, but Jaskier was getting tired of the constant hurt, the feeling empty and abandoned, the not feeling as if he was worthy of any affection, the trying of pick himself back up and try to forget all those cruel words directed at him. It had been enough, and he didn’t want any more of it.

He was, despite appearances, quite stingy with his affections. His lust and body he gave quite freely to almost anybody, but to really care about someone... He’d loved the countess, and she had left him, over and over, and then sometimes uttered an apology, sometimes not, before taking him back, using him like a handkerchief during a cold and deciding she had no use for him any more and abandoning him again.

It was not fair, the same way what Geralt had said in the mountain was not fair. It wasn’t fair that he would be abandoned, that he would be insulted and quieted, metaphorically spat one and literally left behind. And so Jaskier had decided that, as much as it hurt him, he was not going to let Geralt back into his life, no matter what. Geralt may want to apologise and Jaskier knew that if he apologised.... But no. He wouldn’t even hear his apology.

He’d had enough of being tossed around and being called. Now he would continue being called names, but by people whose opinion didn’t actually matter. He wouldn’t let himself be caught in relationships that only hurt him. Not any more.

And if that meant never seeing his former friend and travel companion, then so be it. If destiny decided that they would never cross paths again then Jaskier was okay with that.

But destiny had other plans indeed.

I

Geralt was in a tavern, and there was a man singing, which was not helpful. Every man who sang didn’t sing as good as Jaskier, and it made Geralt realise what he had lost, what he had thrown away. A friend, a partner, a companion. He never thought silence could be so constricting, it sometimes felt as if it was pointing its cosmic finger at him. “This is your fault, for being so shit”

He wanted to apologise and... who knew, give Jaskier gifts, cuddle him in his arms, shower him in gold, repay every kind gesture. He wanted, needed to make things right, but neither of them had ever had a stable known address, so it was hard going to be hard to get a chance. God, Geralt missed it all, the bad jokes, the constant singing, the exposition... All of it. He missed Jaskier so much he was seeing him everywhere, in mountaintops, in his dreams, coming inside the tavern...

Wait. His Jaskier “I miss you so much” illusions didn’t usually stop in their tracks, shake their heads and retreat. Could it have been him? Could destiny be so kind to offer you to offer him a chance to apologise?

“Jaskier!”

But Jaskier was running, at the top of his speed, running from the feeling, from being snared by that face and that voice again, from many more years of being unappreciated, until he got to a horse.

“JASKIER!” 

Was he running after a horse? Was he going to fucking catch up? Just by running.

“JASKIER! I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU!”

Do not let that voice fool you again, bard! You know better!

“LA LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING!”

Jaskier left on a stolen horse, and Geralt just hoped destiny would give him another chance to make amends. Possibly soon. Now that he had seen Jaskier again he wanted to see more of him, more often. Has he realised how good looking he was before? He should have.

Let my destiny be with him.

Please.

II

Jaskier was sore and felt like absolute crap. A group of very drunken and violent men had been passing through the town were he was. Former soldiers but with no war to sublimate their anger in, they decided to have some fun with the little singing boy that had interrupted their drunken evening with his songs.

It had been quite a beating.

One of his eyes was swollen shut, his ankle was throbbing, and his chest was black and blue. Among other things. He was afraid to go down from his room at the inn, because if he ran into those men again, and what if decided they hadn’t finished their fun, and what if...

“Bard! You must get out to see this!!! You will not believe your eyes!!”

Painfully he got down to the entrance of the inn and what he saw outside was indeed surprising. It was the men that had beating him the previous night, naked, gagged and tied together, each one had a word written in their chest, “coward”, “bastard”, “shithead”...

When a villager removed the gag from one of them, he looked at Jaskier deeply, with urgency. There was something he’d been coached to say, and he feared the worst of destinies if he didn’t comply.

“He says he’s so sorry for hurting you. He says to please forgive him and that he--”

“I’M NOT LISTENING.”

III

There was a cloud of purple mist forming on top of him, the wind picked up speed and Jaskier was in the middle of a road, alone, trying to get to the next town... The wind was so fast now that Jaskier was genuinely frightened of being lost in the tornado and thrown into a mountain by the harsh winds.

Then the purple cloud started changing shapes, and Jaskier was sure that he was done for, was this a curse, was it another bloody djinn, what....?

Oh. It was just Yennefer. Manifesting herself as a big cloud in the sky.

Did she really have to be so dramatic?

“Jaskier. Will you talk to Geralt? He’s getting really annoying with all his lamentations about how much he misses you.”

Jaskier huffed at a big cloud in the sky.

“I don’t believe it. And I’m not listening.”

IV

Geralt was at a loss.

He understood why Jaskier was behaving like this, of course, it made perfect sense. The witcher had been dismissive, belittling and sometimes downright cruel to Jaskier, that was the harsh truth as much as he hated it, and why would he believe now that things would change? Did he really think that sorry was going to change anything after all the shut up, the gut punch, that fateful “it would be a blessing to get you off hands”....

He knew that sorry was not going to cut it, but he needed, physically and mentally to tell Jaskier he was sorry, in person, and see the bard hear it, in person, maybe acknowledge that Geralt was sorry if he didn’t forgive him. (Not yet).

But what could he do to show his regret? He had protected him, ran after the man, sent people with messages, sent letters, he had done all he could think of and yet, Jaskier was still nowhere to be seen, protecting himself, as he very well should be doing, but... How on Earth could he convey the message, the very important message that he was brimming with regret, that he closet his eyes and saw blue ones looking heartbroken helplessly at him, that he’d done him so much harm without realising it, that his company had been an actual blessing and his absence was the curse....

But how to express it?? How to make it clear in a way that would actually resonate with Jaskier, that would show he cared and missed, that he would like, that he would understand, how to speak his language and how to get to him... There had to be a way, but Geralt was so lost in regret and ale and despair that he couldn’t think any more brilliant ideas.

Fortunately, destiny put just the way right in front of him, so he wouldn’t have to think about it any more and would be able to breathe.

And Jaskier had to admit that when he first heard that young bard sing the _Ballad of a broken friend_ it had been hard to put his hands over his ears, and not listen to those words of sorrow and regret. But he had to.

He couldn’t listen, would not listen.

If he listened he was lost.

V

When destiny brought them together next it wasn’t the best of situations. Geralts had just defeated a Vallekienza, only to find out that Jaskier had been hurt in the initial attack of the beast in the town. Now he lay in a makeshift infirmary in the town’s castle, surrounded by other injured men and women, lying in a cot.

Jaskier had bandages all through his chest and stomach, as well as on one arm. His skin was cold clammy, and he was pale as death, a touch of blue in his lips. The healer had done all she could, but apparently Jaskier had lost too much blood before being found, and would likely not wake up again.

And Geralt was sitting next to him, and head on his hands, wondering why destiny would be so cruel.

“Jaskier. I’m so sorry. I know any apologies I have now pitiful and poor, worthless. Cheap. But I am truly very sorry for what I did. For abandoning you in that mountain. For rejecting your affection, your care, your company.”

A tear on Geralt’s cheek? Impossible, witchers don’t have emotions. And yet.... There it was.

“I think about that trip you mentioned, often. To the coast. Just you and me. I think we would have been happy.”

Geralt cursed destiny and all the gods that had allowed this to happen. Jaskier’s chest was barely rising and it was hurting him more than any wound.

“It’s... It’s been hard being happy as of late. You know, without the chatter and the music, and the... You brought so much joy to my days, Jaskier, and I never saw it, appreciated it. I was a fool. And I hurt one of the best things I had in my life.”

And you’re admitting this now. When it’s already too late. Well done, Geralt.

“I need you to be all right, Jaskier. You don’t even have to forgive me, but just.... Wake up. You have no idea how much I miss you. It makes it hard to breathe sometimes.”

Jaskier just lay there, so pale he seemed already dead, broken and small under the bandages, busted and blue. Geralt wished he didn’t have eyes to see this. Geralt wished.... He wished he’d had more patience, he wished he was somewhere in the coast with Jaskier tuning his lute. Not this. Never this.

“I am so sorry. If I hadn’t been so blind... If I had known,, if I had realised... I am extremely sorry, Jaskier, and I need you to know you were never... You were.... You were there for me, you cared and in return, I... I didn’t know... I want to hear your songs again. I want to hear your voice, going on and on about the lands, or the myths, or anything.... This cannot be our end, I...”

“I.... I am so sorry.”

And this time Jaskier was there to hear his apology for once... But he wasn’t listening.

Couldn’t.

\+ 1

When Jaskier woke up he wasn’t in the castle, but in some unknown room with a big four poster bed, flowers and big mirrors. He didn’t recognize the clothes he was wearing (something soft and new!) and he had absolutely no clue as to how much time had passed, but he could hear the sound of the sea outside the window and there was someone next to him, in that bed...

“Geralt.”

“You’re awake.”

“You found me? You... brought me to the coast?”

“I had to.”

Geralt was only wearing a shirt and pants, his armour forgotten in a chair. He looked like he hadn’t sleep in a long time and behind him was a small table with a variety of vials, herbs, potions.

“Jaskier, I....”

The words were caught in his throat, he was suddenly mute, but tired but resilient eyes were looking at him.

“What is it, Geralt?”

Jaskier drew a small smile.

“I’m listening.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> If you did please leave a comment after the beep 
> 
> * Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep *


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